I really expected my trip to Jamaica for my brother’s wedding to be a time to leave any troubles behind. Especially since ‘No Problem, Mon’ is practically the national motto of Jamaica. Apparently my vacation did not get that memo. I probably should have foreseen trouble from the very first phone conversation I had with the resort:
“This is a couples only resort ma’am. You can’t come by yourself.”
“But my brother is getting married at your resort. I’d kinda like to be there.”
“Well I suppose we can get you a room…but you’ll have to pay for two people.”
“But…I’m coming by myself.”
“Doesn’t matter. Only couples are allowed so you’ll have to pay the couple’s price.”
Needless to say I ended up begging my Dad to let me stay with him. This might have worked except my sister had her baby two weeks early, which meant Mom was going to be able to make the wedding as well. That was great news, except for the small problem of her not having anywhere to sleep. As it turned out my future sister-in-law’s dad was staying by himself and said we could just add somebody’s name to his room. We then found out it would cost an extra $200 to do that – even though he was already paying the “couple price.” Perhaps the pen they needed to write in Mom’s name costs $200.
It only got better once we arrived in Jamaica late Thursday night. My sister-in-law’s dad, it turns out, was not checking in until Friday. Can’t Mom just sleep in our room for the night? Not so much, said the people from the resort who met us at the airport – she’s not even allowed on the shuttle. The whole place was booked for the night so she couldn’t get another room. Let’s just say the scene at the airport was not pretty and ended up with me going to the resort by myself and Mom and Dad catching a cab to another hotel somewhat nearby to stay for the night.
I finally get checked in and they tell me I’ve been “randomly selected” for an upgrade – I’m guessing because they had double booked the cheaper rooms when they couldn’t sell the more expensive ones. So there I am, sitting in a room by myself that could have comfortably fit at least 4 people, with nothing to do but watch TV. Eventually Dad calls and lets me know they are all settled in and oh one other thing – he just talked to my brother and apparently everyone else in the wedding party is staying at the other Sandals resort in Montego Bay. You know, the one where the wedding is going to be. The one Dad didn’t spend thousands of dollars to get a room at*. At this point I could only assume we’d unknowingly become a part of some sort of wedding reality TV show (which I later discovered exist in rather large numbers).
So I’m laying in bed watching TV and trying to embrace the surreal when I happen to look over at the wall and see this:
Now, I’m really not scared of bugs. Ask my roommates; I am the one that kills any insects or small vermin that enter our domain. But this bug was seriously big. As in I could see every detail of his creepiness from 10 feet away. Also, I was just about to go to sleep. As much as I’m not scared of them the idea of bugs crawling over my sleeping body is not an image I enjoy. Needless to say I spent about 3 hours watching TV before I became exhausted enough to purge that thought from my mind and drift off.
I might have been able to find more of the funny in that absurd night if I’d been able to hash it all out on this blog. Alas, all-inclusive apparently does not include Internet of any kind. Luckily the relaxing, stress-reducing part of the vacation kicked in the next day or I might have gone down as the only person to develop an ulcer while in Jamaica.