My Mom is a very good gift wrapper. As if I didn’t have enough anticipation around Christmas and my birthday as a kid, she somehow always managed to make my gifts look even more enticing with her elaborate bows and perfectly straight edges.
I did not inherit this trait. I do enjoy picking out the perfect paper, but somewhere in between unrolling it and applying it to the package, things go awry. My problems begin with the scissors. I really don’t think I could cut in a straight line if my life depended on it. Luckily I think those situations are pretty rare. Then there’s the issues that arise when the present is irregularly shaped. That’s when my wrapping job starts getting that second-grade-art-project-gone-horribly-wrong feel.
I didn’t really think about all of this when Mom told me she had mailed me their presents for The Lady of the Sea’s birthday and asked me to wrap them. Until I stepped back and took a look at the finished product:
Now, granted, I think the wrapping paper itself is fantastic. Unfortunately I can’t even take credit for that as Mom bought it last time she was in DC. Then there’s the bow. When I was looking at it at Target, I thought the color would be perfect. Turns out it was, unfortunately I didn’t take a moment to realize a) the bow is actually pretty small compared to the presents and b) there were two presents. Oh well, I’ll just stack them on top of each other! The fact that I had already gotten rid of the box the first one came in did not help matters.
And we mustn’t forget the rubber ducky. Except I did. After I had finished wrapping everything I looked down and saw the little guy staring up at me in what I thought was a very accusatory manner. Hey, no problem, a little tape, and there, he’s chilling on the corner in his birthday suit.
I totally planned it that way.