BREAKING NEWS

Note: The following article was written based on first-hand accounts delivered via telephone as the events were unfolding. Many thanks go to the author’s mother for her diligent onsite reporting.

Giant Beaver Sighted in Residential Pond

Eye witness estimates creature to weigh in excess of 50 pounds

A mammoth-sized creature of the genus Castor was seen taking a dip in a private pond late Sunday evening. The beaver first made its appearance near said pond, alarming local residents with its gigantic proportions.

Just as a man came out to shoot the beaver with his camera, the crafty creature dove deep below to make his escape. A mid-sized poodle then attempted to hunt for the animal over twice her size. She was ultimately unsuccessful, though she later insisted that her fierce barking and no-nonsense demeanor showed that beaver a thing or two.

The man patiently waited for the elusive creature to make a re-appearance and after some time, he did in fact poke his head above water, but refused to expose himself further. The man and beaver then engaged in a fierce battle of wills to see who would blink first. At one point the man was seen under a nearby tree, although observers were unsure whether this was a ploy to blend in with his surroundings or an attempt to seek shelter from the rain that had begun minutes earlier.

The battle raged on. The beast seemed to possess a mental stamina equaling his mass. Residents are curious if this unusual visit was a one-time occurrence or if the beaver, facing ever-sinking water levels at the creek he calls home, has decided to pick up his logs and move to the pond permanently. Speculations were made that the poor creature may be struggling with a dam underwater mortgage.

At the time of this reporting, the beaver remained at large.

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About The 1st Draft

I am a 20-something writer living in (okay, near) DC who loves politics, books, television, soccer, a good conversation, Cardinals baseball, and playing with my adorable nieces and nephews.
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12 Responses to BREAKING NEWS

  1. Kathi says:

    The beaver just made an encore performance.

  2. Oh, the Places We've Been! says:

    Jack and I laughed out loud. You are such a great writer!

  3. Anonymous says:

    You are so clever with words, you must publish a book someday!

    • Why thank you! I’m never sure what such a book would be about, as I usually just end up writing about the random little nothings that happen to me.

      • The Libuncle says:

        If there’s ever been anybody in my extended family who has the skill and wit to write a contemporary evolution of “The Devil Wears Prada” or “The Nanny Diaries”, it’s, uh, uh, uh… oh, yeah, YOU.

      • yo mama says:

        There is someone whose name I believe is Seinfeld that made a few bucks writing about “random little nothings” as I recall.

  4. yo mama says:

    OMG, you make the simplest little things so funny!

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