I sprain my ankles. A lot.
You haven’t gotten the full first draft of my life story until you’ve heard about all the fascinating ways I have found to twist my ankle over the years. This will only be a highlight of the ones I find most interesting, as the actual number of times I have twisted my ankle numbers in the dozens if not hundreds. I’m sure in the future there will be a need for many updates.
8th grade P.E.: For my first ankle spraining, I decided to go for the classics. We were playing kickball and as I rounded a base, my foot found a hole and down I went. My Dad picked me up and took me to the ER, where they wrapped it in an ace bandage and gave me an Ibuprofen. This would be the first and last time I ever went to the hospital for my ankle. The interesting part about this one is that this happened a few days before my first ever club soccer season was set to begin. Riding the bench for the first few games definitely hurt worse than my ankle.
Church basketball: In this league, the fact that I could dribble and do a layup made me a star. At this particular game I was taking a jump shot and somehow managed to land with my ankle rolled to the side. When I didn’t immediately pop back up as I usually do, my teammates grew concerned. “Are you okay? What are you going to do?” one asked. “I’m going to lay here until my Dad comes and carries me off,” I replied. The timing was again very regretful as I had a huge indoor soccer tournament that weekend and now once again I would be sitting on the sidelines.
High school soccer: This time was memorable for two reasons. Firstly, I had finally managed to sprain my ankle while playing soccer, which seemed more legit as it was my main sport and the one that included the most contact with both other players and the ground. Mostly though, it was the degree to which my ankle turned that was impressive. I happened to have my foot on top of the ball when someone knocked me, giving my ankle room to turn completely around the ball so that my cleats were almost pointing to the sky. I believe this was the first time that crutches were involved.
College orientation: This one I’m really proud of. It happened the day after I had packed up all of my belongings and moved over 250 miles away from my parents’ house and the town I had lived in my entire 18 years. I didn’t know a soul, which is one of the reasons I had been convinced to join a Freshman Orientation Group. My FIG challenged another FIG to a kickball game. You can probably figure out what happened next. As I limped the mile or so to the university health center with my FIG leader, I told the quiet senior not to worry, that I had done this many times before. He asked what I usually did and I said usually my Dad carried me. “….Yeah….I’m not going to do that…” he said. I used the crutches they gave me for the rest of orientation but had chucked them by the first day of class.
May 2011: I had just bought a new pair of black flats to replace my favorite pair that had finally worn out. I quickly learned the the new pair was only masquerading as easy-to-walk-in, when in reality I was walking on a long, thin platform about half of an inch thick. What better way to prove this was a bad idea than to completely wipe out in the middle of my office? The shoes heightened the pain enough that I even managed to pass out in front of two of my company’s executives. It was swell.
November 2011: It was the last game of the season for the Sunday soccer team I co-captain and I was in a less than stellar mood because our yes RSVPs had gone from 14 to 10 in a matter of hours before the game. For some reason my ankle brace had ended up in a weird spot in my bag so while my mind was busy considering the fact that we as of yet had no goalie, my hands reached for the brace, didn’t find it, and moved on to the next step. Just as the game was starting I realized I wasn’t wearing it and felt totally naked. I remember saying “If something bad happens to my ankle I’m blaming the people who didn’t show up.” Yeah. Probably shouldn’t have said that. A few minutes later all I was doing was jogging down the field, far away from the action, when I twisted my ankle and fell. Over absolutely nothing. The timing worked out perfectly again as I had already told my cousin I would run a 5k with her four days later. Not only did I run that race, I had my best 5k time since high school cross country.
June 12, 2012: I was walking into my new favorite lunch place with a co-worker when I tripped while wearing those same stupid shoes and almost perfectly reenacted the scene at my office a year early. Minus the passing out, thank goodness, but it was a close thing. I could tell the manager of the restaurant was right in the middle of his worst nightmare. I didn’t take his contact info when offered but I did take a free sandwich so I guess on the taking advantage scale I’m just okay. I also decided to never wear those shoes again. The swelling, even post icing, was rather impressive:
Hope you weren’t reading this while eating.